


Defend and Counter

by Zerrat



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Community: fangrai-forever, Crack, F/F, FangRai February, Humor, Pickup Lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 08:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zerrat/pseuds/Zerrat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fang has an endless supply of l'Cie innuendo, and Snow has the guts to try to match her line for line. On a day of exploration of the Subterra, Lightning isn't sure why Fang insists on dragging <i>her</i> into it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Defend and Counter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Avatar_of_Ragnarok](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avatar_of_Ragnarok/gifts).



> Fill for Prompt #13 over on FangRai February.
> 
> And this fic is most definitely for Fangupup/Avatar_of_Ragnarok, because most of these terrible pickup lines are from her. STAY AWESOME, bro.

"Okay, okay, I got one – are you a synergist, because you enfire my heart, baby." Snow was barely able to make it through his latest obnoxious pick-up line without bursting into gales of laughter. As she eyed him off from where she was leaning against the subterra's wall, Lightning could swear that there were tears forming in his eyes as he bit into his gloved knuckles in a failed attempt to muffle his laughter. 

Lightning rolled her eyes for what felt like the tenth time in as many minutes. She kept her silence, though, remaining off to the side of the two idiots that she'd been saddled with for the day as they took a well-needed break from exploration. 

Earlier that morning, before they'd set out from their makeshift camp in the darkness, Sazh had jumped in and grabbed Hope and Vanille for his scouting party before Lightning had been able to raise a word of protest. At the time, Lightning had assumed that Sazh had just wanted to mix things up and spend a little time with the two youngest members of their group. After all, Sazh had been stuck with Snow and Fang for company for the past two days of subterra exploration. 

Now, Lightning understood. 

Since they'd broken up into their usual groups of three, Fang and Snow had been playing a game. If Lightning understood it correctly, they'd started to play it yesterday, and were showing no signs of letting up. 

Fang, as it turned out, had a seemingly endless well of l'Cie-based innuendo and cringe-worthy pick-up lines. Unfortunately, Snow was more than happy to attempt to match her joke for joke, and as a result they'd been spouting one-liners to one another in every spare moment. 

Lightning had let it go, let them have their fun. Eden only knew how little they'd had to laugh at recently. 

Her patience was still wearing thin after three hours of constant pick-up lines though, and she was starting to wonder if Fang had thought of little else during her five hundred years in crystal stasis. By the time that they had stopped in the subterra's tunnels for their short break, Lightning was idly entertaining some rather drastic solutions to Fang and Snow's pick-up line problems. 

_Surely,_ she had thought just a little desperately, _They are going to run low soon._

"Hey babe. You can climb _my_ Taejin's Tower any night." Snow actually had the gall to wink at Fang from across the tunnel this time, causing Fang to cover her mouth with the back of her hand as she cracked up with laughter. 

_Eden help me, they are both nearly as bad as the teenage Corps recruits,_ Lightning thought as she shook her head. _They're definitely more persistent._

Lightning saw Fang glance in her direction. She noted, her eyes narrowed suspiciously, that Fang was starting to grin wickedly as she looked Lightning up and down suggestively. 

"Hey. Light. Have I Ragnarok'd your world yet?" Fang asked in a drawl, and Lightning scoffed. 

"No. The same as when you _last_ asked me that, half an hour ago." Lightning wasn't really sure why Fang was directing all of those those terrible pick-up lines at _her_ , especially when she was meant to be playing the idiotic game with Snow and Lightning had made it clear that she would not be drawn in. 

Fang was still looking at her with the sort of smile that meant nothing but bad news in the past. In response, Lightning simply arched an eyebrow, wondering if she needed to start examining her survival knife to get the point across. 

"I think we're making the sergeant here a tad uncomfortable." Fang's smile widened then, and she pushed herself off of the wall that she'd been leaning on, her muscles coiling under her tanned skin in a way that would have normally made Lightning pay attention. Fang crossed the short distance between the two of them in a few long strides, looking for all the world like some new variant of dangerous Pulsian fauna as she sized Lightning up and down again. 

Lightning snorted to herself. Apt as the comparison was, she wasn't afraid of Fang in the least. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Lightning noted that Snow's grin had faded a little as Fang had thrown down the metaphorical gauntlet at Lightning's feet, and he actually looked a little apprehensive as Fang leaned against the wall next to Lightning and deep into her personal space. Lightning shot her an irritated look, refusing to rise to the bait. 

"Are you an Ugallu?" Fang asked, her tone light and teasing but with an undercurrent of _challenge_ to it. "Because I think I just got thunderstruck by you."

Lightning resisted the near-overpowering urge to bury her face in her palm. Of course Fang would have come up with some... personalised pick-up lines. Lightning closed her eyes for just a moment, making her decision in a heartbeat. If Fang was going to get personal, then all bets were off. 

Fang might have spent the last five hundred years thinking of pick-up lines, but Lightning had dealt with the full horror of the hormonal teenage Corps recruits. Lightning waited until Fang had turned away, waited until the woman had taken a swig from the water flask at her hip, before she opened her mouth. 

"I heard that I'm an Army of One between the sheets." Lightning met Fang's widening eyes, pitching her voice down as low and throaty as she could manage. "Care to find out if that's true?"

The line hit its mark perfectly, Lightning noted with a deep sense of satisfaction as Fang began to cough violently then as she inhaled half of her mouthful of water. She rested a hand on her hip as she slapped Fang across the back hard, listening to Fang's breath wheeze in and out and Snow's chuckles grow sharply in volume. She found she didn't mind the effect that the pick-up line had had on Fang – the woman's face had flushed a bright red, and she was rather determinedly not looking in Lightning's direction when she finally straightened. 

Lightning felt a tiny smile begin to play at the corner of her mouth as she took Fang's previous, blatant flirting for exactly what it was. She supposed it really _had_ been five hundred years for Fang, so she supposed she could cut the woman a little slack.

She could certainly could do something with that information, perhaps torture the woman in just the same way that Fang had been torturing her, but Lightning abruptly decided against it. Instead, Lightning snorted softly to herself, squeezing Fang's tattooed shoulder gently as she moved past the woman and ahead into the dark subterra tunnels.

"You must be my mark, because I just can't get my Focus off of you," Lightning finally remarked, without turning, and she couldn't help but smile as Fang began to laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like updates as to current projects or just want to chat, feel free to come visit me on my tumblr: [zerrat](http://zerrat.tumblr.com/) (personal) and [zerratwritesstuff](http://zerratwritesstuff.tumblr.com) (writing)!


End file.
